3 Filter Not Included

“He just spoke as he found things” and “it was like she’d been storing up bad words for the last 80 odd years and just … let them out!” Sometimes people lose the ability or the will to filter in their advanced years and some people never bothered to filter in the first place! I love hearing the stories of shocking statements coming from the mouths of loved ones and quite often those are the first things that get told to me ‘only for the book’.

Not always though – I worked with a family who were determined that the celebration of life for their Sandy would be a true representation of how she had been in life. She had always been outspoken, taking no prisoners whether you were the boss or the best friend, and advancing years had only amplified her voice. She was fond of the word ‘arsehole’ and her best friend and work colleague for many years said that the nicknames that she gave to their co-workers often included this as a key word! Dementia robbed Sandy of some of her connections in life, but she knew enough that when driven past her sister’s house and asked ‘who lives there?’ the answer of ‘an arsehole’ rang true!

We’ll call our next filterless one Robert and say that he had a reputation as an absolute gentleman with a wicked sense of humour. In a care home at the end of his life, he treated his family and his carers to witty observations that had little of the filter he might have applied in earlier years. When faced with a nurse who had prepped for her weekend with a spray tan and teeth whitening, Robert hit out with “oh Jesus, pass me my sunglasses it is suddenly bright in here!”

Advancing years brought a certain acid-edged quality to, we’ll call her Norma, and she renamed her grandchildren accordingly – ‘Fat-Arse’ and ‘Baldy Bastard’ continued to visit her … but were resigned to the wince that the staff would give when Gran greeted them accordingly!

Jessica became a terrible flirt in her advancing years and she would only publicly receive visitors that she thought were good-looking – if you didn’t pass her attractiveness test then she received your visit in her room rather than in the lounge where the other residents could see you! Her granddaughters learned to bring their partners with them when they visited since she would simply look around them and ask where the handsome ones were and sulk if there was no-one to flirt with!